Something new


All she wanted was something new.
To visit new places,
To have new experiences
To learn new things.
Her dreams had grown too big to stay within these four walls.

Her mind yearned to be stretched by new experiences.
To grow,
To explore,
To become wise.

She couldn’t stay in the same country.
She wanted to travel
Give her India,
Give her Dubai
Even to Maldives and Spain.

She wanted to work so hard that her only dilemma would be deciding which job offer to take.
She wanted to be able to weigh her own options,
Make her own damn decisions for once.

She was a girl with big dreams and unshakeable faith
A girl with a glimmer in her eyes that defined greatness.

You’re so dramatic they say
It bothered her that no one took her seriously,
but she couldn’t let that stop her.
Elusive and dramatic as her dreams were,
They were hers.
She had to hold on to them for it was all she had left.

You’re young, stop over thinking everything and just go out and lime they say
but she outgrew her peers.
And the fads, fetes and fake friends no longer interest her.

She wanted to meet new people
Real people who would see past her concealing smiles and false laughter that hid her pain.
People she can have real conversations with about how they can shape the future.

Get a boyfriend they say!
But why settle?
Just to be able to say you’re in a relationship and post a picture
Or give your virtue to someone who can’t even keep your trust.
I promise you all the likes in the world cant replace true love.

Instead, she wanted to date
Not just one guy but multiple people
Not to give her body to them all
but to learn about them and from them then decide on what she liked or didnt.

She desired more than a label “bf/gf”
But for someone to see past her appearance
Someone who believed in her potential
Who preferred her sense of humour and quick wit than what her body could offer.
Someone she could build a future empire with starting by walking down the aisle.

She dreamt of the day she would become pregnant
How amazing it would be to see and feel
How the female body expands and feeds another living thing
And fall in love before even holding them

She wanted to join a book club
and have brunch with her girlfriends
to discuss their favourite novel.

She wanted to visit schools and help kids
donate to greenhouses and help impoverished villages.

Her goals were no secret
but all who heard just thought she talked too much
and had this wild imagination about things that probably only happened in books and movies.

She was a girl with a desire for newness
A girl who believed in love
But was slowing losing hope for life
Her trust was betrayed
and her spirit was broken
She was fighting to overcome her fear of rejection and failure
And start something new that she can call her own.

If you lose hope then you lose everything.
What’s your reason for living if not to experience all things great.
If not to have dreams and be passionate.
If not to work while you have the chance to accomplish as much as you can.

She was just a girl growing up
Wanting something new.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Chad says:

    Kay-Marie, you are the perfect example of what a beautiful/powerful mind trapped in a box for decades, sounds like upon release…the typical lion in the wild vs. the lion we see in the zoo….but lets begin…at both beginnings…

    Beginning #1 – Lion trapped in the Zoo……. you lay there dreaming about the outside world…the thrill of the hunt, the excitement of borderless freedom, the extensive pool of mates to choose from, the automatic attraction to what is in the light on the other side of the fence…you wait and you wait with a burning desire to free yourself….shake yourself of the feeling to hold back, be calm, be placid, be timid, be full of shame, be responsible, be tamed….its eating you…you dream about all the things you would do when you get out…run wild, explore the unexplored, hunt, mate, travel the landscape…do everything that you could not have done behind bars….

    Boooooooom!!!!! (fireworks going off, Bob Marley Natural Mystic flowing through the air playing softly in the background then rising in volume steadily to the crescendo into a freedom cry, followed by a huge roarrrrrrr etc. etc etc – dramaticcccc like hell entrance)… unexpected mistake…your cage is unlocked and you take your first step onto the Serengeti planes of Africa…today is that day…you are free….(MADNESS!!! – still with the drama thing)….anyhow… lets move to beginning #2….

    Beginning #2 – Lion in the wild…. you lay there looking in on the caged lions of the Serengeti National Park dreaming of having life sooooo easy that it fills your tummy with pure envy…the constant provision of food and water, the lack of completion for mates, the safety of the fence, the love and affection of the masters, the relaxation of living a life in a resort…you wish you could retire life in such a sweet environment where you never have to work again for a meal or a drink, where you never have to do ferocious battle for a mate…where you never have to protect your own territory…where everything in that world…is yours…and yours to keep forever and ever…Amen…

    …you feel dizzy…you drop to the ground…you hear human voices around you…your body cannot move…and Vwala……your eyes reopen to the sight of a waterfall and a fat juicy gazelle at your outstretched feet…(FIREEEEEEEEE….yuh inside…Booooom!!!)…

    Does it sound again as if the grass is always greener at the next side of the fence??….so what happens next??…but before I tell you what happened with the lions…let me tell you about real life…


  2. Chad says:

    I had this girl once…a beautiful girl (of course – I settle for nothing but the best)….she was very very quiet and timid and sheltered and introverted….but I have my ways… I always get what ever I want, no matter how impossible the task may prove…anyhow….this little cutie darling sweetheart always wanted to be like me…bold, brave, risky, shameless, carefree etc…..not knowing that I always wanted to be like her…quiet, introverted, conservative, shy, full of shame etc….but putting that aside… I began to shape her into what she wanted…starting with the baby steps…

    I started to coach her with her work…she got recognized and was promoted, I started to introduce her to new people and show her how to do it on her own, she made a web of friends possibly more than I had (not knowing that the trick is to keep a few genuine friends and keep the rest as acquaintances…its a jungle out there…but that’s another lesson in itself)…she lost all touch with the person that she once was and now became a popular, well off movie star and beauty queen…made almost overnight…and I was her handsome King….but…and there is a big big but… …….I know exactly what is needed to survive in a new environment and you will see it in the example of the lions when we get back to that in a moment…and most of all, I knew that she did not pay attention to that simple underlying detail/secret…..anyhow…her promotion landed her a job as an expatriate…travelling all over the globe…and again, I coached until she was gone on to that new life….without me…. I was now nothing to her…the high and mighty…

    Ready to switch back to the lions yet or you want to know the secret first and see how even to a mighty lion it applies?


  3. Chad says:

    Ok…so you want the secret…ok then…we will mix the two….

    The girl first then the lions –
    I eventually cut all communication with her and we went our separate ways… two years later…she was back in Trinidad, driving up and down my street…hoping to see me….she called my extension at work….and oh what a big surprise….she was begging….hands and knees…. buy why???? you would ask yourself here…… why on earth will she do that?…didn’t she get exactly what she wanted and more? Yes she did, but how?? and this is the secret… a lion born in a zoo, doesn’t really know HOW to survive in the jungle…and a lion born in the jungle…doesn’t really know HOW to survive in a zoo….soon their eyes will glaze over and all the will to live will disappear….. now remember, I was the one writing the emails and doing the projects for her boss, I was the one finding the friends, I was the one showing her the places….so where does the true skill lie? in her or in me?? e.g. I will see things that she will never see, I may chose a place to hang out that may seem fun and exciting, but I would have already checked the people, checked the safety, check the reputation etc…she may not poses that skill in analyzing very quickly…. personalities, safety or background…and so she may go somewhere thinking it to be similar and end up with some guy that fools her into bed and end up regretting it for a lifetime, or end up in some irreversible trouble of some kind…

    She came begging because it is at those moments your true nature comes to bear….the lion from the zoo may have just seen all the lionesses roaming about to mate with….but never know that to get to mate with one, he has to defeat three monstrous lions….so possibly that rude awakening may lead him to never even getting one lioness to mate with….and he may not know that lionesses are responsible to feed him as well….so he may be starving to death…..and is at that moment he may say “why d ass did I even leave my nice Zoo, where even though I had little choice of mates… I had one that I was sure sure sure about without any fighting….and I had food morning noon and night”….

    moral of the story Kay-Marie….to succeed with any change in environment (Something new)…you need to have a Mentor…and not any Mentor…a mentor that truly truly cares… a good mentor.

    All she wanted was something new….is that going to stand up to scrutiny by itself now that you know the secret….well here is a test….

    Go and look at any movie where a guy gets incarcerated for the first time….you will notice something very very consistent, they all are forced into brand new environments and to survive they all have to cling onto somebody to show them the HOW!! a Mentor….

    A mentor could be good (show them how to get through it in a meaningful way) or bad (show them how to get through it for a gain)…

    Find a good Mentor and trust me, that person will show you how to do all that you listed above….Just don’t get cocky…the HOWs take very very very long to master….

    Chad – Hawaii


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