Carrying the baby… Birthing the dream!

They say no matter how many books you’ve read, how many documentaries you’ve watched or how many people tell you how it’s going to be, there’s just no perfect way to know what to expect when you’re expecting.

Pregnancy? Yes, that’s what I’m referring to, pregnancy. Now I know what you’re thinking,

“What does pregnancy have to do with this blog? Don’t you write about accomplishing my goals etc.?”

Indeed I do.

Wait – Are you preg……nant Kay?

Ab-so-luteeeee-ly not!

However, even if having children aren’t one of your present goals, I’d have you know, that there are a lot of similarities between the two. Keep reading.

Though figurative, “carrying the baby” is what I consider the journey between your dreams and your future reality.

Though it may take longer than nine months for most of us, I need you to understand that how you deal with things (while carrying) will directly impact the outcome of your future (birth and beyond).

Let us be clear…

I’m not yet a mother, so technically there’s no right way someone like myself can give professional advice to someone who is a mother or mother-to-be. Likewise, there is no right way for persons who haven’t experienced what you’re going through, to give you credible advice or truly understand all of your goals and dreams either. Catch my drift here?

In life, you’d always feel like you’re carrying something. Whether it’s a burden, a baby or a dream, no one will get you like you get you. Though others may support or try to tell you how to live out (or not live out) your dream, only you will truly feel it.

In other words, it’s 100% up to you, to ensure that you give your all to this dream/baby of yours. God placed those gifts, calling and burning desires inside of you for a purpose. Don’t throw away your potential because someone else – who’s never given birth to their own dreams – tell you how to do yours.

The day I realized this, was the day I no longer took offense when others told me that I couldn’t accomplish my dreams. When I understood this, it changed my life.

My reason for writing this today is because I know I’m not the only one who’s ever wanted and needed help while carrying my dreams.

There are so many of us impregnated with potential but the lack of support and motivation from others to endure the pains that come with dreaming big, causes us to abort the mission altogether.

Sadly, there have been way too many stillborn dreams and cemeteries filled with unrealized purpose already. We don’t need to contribute to anymore.

So today, instead of giving up, I’m offering to be your midwife. I hope you would accept my offer.

[Fun fact: Growing up I wanted to become an OB/GYN. I even overlooked my burning passions for writing and studied sciences in school. However, God knew best and today I’m proud to be an author. However, I’ll always have a soft spot for OBs and all their staff including midwives.]

Stage one is called the first trimester. For years, people would laugh at me when I told them what I wanted to do with my life. I took everything others had to say to heart and would often feel so insulted by their lack of belief in me.

I received so much negative feedback that I even begun to tell myself that maybe I was a joke. Many times I wanted to quit on my dreams. I often wished that I would just drown in my own tears. I don’t want this to be you. I don’t want you to be offended when others criticize you because they will never be able to dream the way you do. The reason why you’re not getting their support is because they just don’t get it. In other words, they are not carrying the same baby as you.

Remember that we are all different. And no one was blessed with the exact purpose that God placed within you when you were born. Thus, not everyone will be able to understand the labor pains that you’re experiencing. Instead of letting what others have to say affect your journey, I want you to start to associate yourself with likeminded people.

Consider it as though you’re checking yourself into a prenatal boot camp with other soon to be parents and even those who have been there many times before. When you surround yourself with the right company, you will eventually become a product of these people.

Any successful person will tell you that one of the keys to becoming successful is to surround yourself with people that will help you think like they do, push you toward your goals and motivate you to go the extra mile.

Mark Twain said, “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition, it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives. Similarly be that kind of a friend to your friends”.

Look around. Do you think that the people you currently associate yourself with are pushing you toward your dreams? Or, from my experience, are they distracting you?

I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everyone will understand your journey. Therefore you shouldn’t carry everyone with you. I have had amazing friends in my life. Some friends that I’ve known since high school and I would love to have them in my life until death do us part. However, many of them don’t understand and may never understand my dreams.

If I want to go out and have a good time, they’ll be the first people I can call. But are they there for me when I’m struggling to accomplish a goal?

Take it from me, it’s one thing for a stranger to doubt you, but it really hurts when someone you care about doesn’t believe in you either.

Even many of my family members don’t understand what I’m trying to accomplish. They don’t think my fairytales are possible because they don’t know anyone who has accomplished similar goals.

I’ve had my relatives, co-workers, many friends and people I cared deeply about tell me that I couldn’t do it. I often took it personal. However, what I’ve learnt is that you should never take it personal. If anything at all, let what others say you can’t do be the motivation to drive you closer to achieving your goals.

I’ve also had to experience many awkward situations where someone would look me in the face and ask, “How’s your book coming along?” And I could just tell that it wasn’t genuine.

Has that ever happened to you?

No, just me, oh ok.

I doubt that.

People often appeared as though they were interested, but in all honesty, they were just waiting to see me fail.

And maybe some of the closest people around you secretly wish the same, and I know that’s a hard pill to swallow. However, whenever I experience something like this now, I take a deep breath and tell myself, “don’t worry Kay-Marie, those are just contractions, they too will pass”. I want you to do the same.

More than just that, I want you to always remember that some pains are necessary before you can birth that dream of yours. Those people, that negative thought, the struggles, they’re all just contractions.

The next stage is the second trimester. By this time, you’ve gotten accustomed to the negative comments. Hopefully, you’ll take my advice and start surrounding yourself with successful people. However, you’re still very much pregnant with potential and as some symptoms get better, new and more uncomfortable ones emerge. This is called the suffering period. Yes, you read correctly, the suffering period. Some may define the word suffer, “to experience pain or something unpleasant”. To me, to suffer means to finish your goal even though you experience adversity.

From my experience, the first period of getting something done can be achieved with a bit of sweat. However, the period before you get to the last round is usually the hardest period for me. This is where I begin to doubt myself. This is where things take longer than expected to happen. This is where as soon as I overcome one obstacle, several others come along. Often times, things don’t go as planned and I have to take a different course.

When I got my acceptance letter to university, it was one of my happiest moments in life. The day I crossed the stage and collected my certificate having completed my degree at that university was another. However, for four years, I had to struggle. I had to overcome difficult examinations; loss of friends, grief and the list can go on and on. I was also happy the day I discovered my calling to write. Fast forward to present day and I am extremely happy that I stuck it out so that this moment can happen right now.

However, it is not an easy process to write a book, blog, or become published. As I finish one chapter and begin another, I too experience pain. Not all pains are going to be physical. Sometimes, emotional turmoil can be even more painful than physical ones. If you ask me, I’d much rather a headache than a broken heart. Won’t you?

I said all that to say, that I may not be aware of all of your aspirations in life, but I do know that you’re going to have to endure some pain as well. The key, however, is not to give up. Do not think that you are the unluckiest person in the world, or that you are alone because you’re having a hard time right now. Know that we all experience some level of suffering in our lives – especially as people who dream big. What I’ve learnt is that we all have to go through the hard part in order to get to the good ones.

Now the hard part is not always fair. Hell, life isn’t always fair. But God is a God of justice. Therefore, we can always count on Him to make the wrong and unfair things in our lives right, once we trust Him enough to take care of them. We all have to suffer, so we might as well learn how to do it the right way. And suffering while carrying your dreams is part of the process.

Some people enter into a relationship, a friendship, a job, or purchase clothing and if they don’t like it, they can simply move on to something else. However, when a woman becomes pregnant and she’s already into her second trimester, though the pain may feel like it’s too much to bear, she just can’t take the belly off and discard it. She has to endure the discomfort and go through with the pregnancy. Well, the same goes for you.

Some people may not be able to see it fully, but I can already tell that you’re carrying something bigger than you can imagine. Your goals and dreams each have a purpose greater than even you and I. Now is not the time to quit. You must endure and go through until the end.

When you’re going through hard times, you have two options. You can both give up and give in, or you can get strong. What will you choose to do today?

My difficult times only made me stronger. And only patience, persistence, and prayer will carry you through to the final stage.

This is known as the third trimester. This stage isn’t the prettiest at all. During this period, a mother-to-be may experience swelling in her ankles, hands, feet, and face as she retains more fluids and her blood circulation slows. She may also have more backaches and more pain in the hips and pelvis as these joints relax in preparation for delivery. Her face may develop dark patches of skin, and stretch marks may appear on her belly and thighs. In other words, when pursuing your dreams, no matter what they are, we all may experience different side effects and even gain some battle scars.

At some point in our journey, we will all feel tired, weary and even think that we just can’t go on living this way. At least I know I do. But the more adversity you experience, the more excited your baby is to come out. Your fairytale is your baby. Your passions and your purpose is your baby. And the closer you get to achieving them, the more it wants to become a reality. It’s been trapped inside you for too long. This is the stage you have to remain strong and determined to fulfill your dreams.

Additionally, in this final stage, I want you to look out for false labor also known as Braxton-Hicks contractions, which may begin to occur, as a woman gets closer to her due date.

You see, at times we allow our anxiety to get the better of us. When things finally begin to work out in our favor, we leave our humility with our past pain and begin to think that we’ve arrived at our destination. Remember, that pride comes before the fall, so don’t be too quick to think that because you’ve accomplished one goal or close to accomplishing your fairytale that you are now invincible.

Also, don’t for a second think that you did it all on your own and forget to thank God. Though your dreams took long to accomplish, I promise you with the wrong attitude and foolish pride, you can lose it all in a second.

Often times, women experience false alarms, when they think that the baby is coming so they rush to the hospital only to be told that it’s not time yet. Well, the same thing happens to us when we’re striving toward our goals. Whether you’re a male or female, when things start working out in your favor, some of us are guilty of becoming overly eager and this can also be a major downfall.

I believe with all my heart that instead of immediately removing me from situations where he could have easily removed me from, God has taken me through them so that I can help someone else. I hope that my writing can help you and maybe even someone you know today. I hope I can encourage you to go the full distance and never give up.

Whether it takes forty weeks or four years, once you’ve given birth to your dreams, you would no longer be affected by what others say you can’t do. Instead, you’ll become powerful and your voice can be a help to others. After you’ve endured and triumphed over your troubles, your life can now be an example to someone else.

Think about it, would you rather listen to someone who has four children tell you about childbirth or someone who never plans on having children at all?


So why are you letting people who have no desire to put in all the hard work, experience all the difficult times, and go after their dreams, tell you not to go after yours?

When you first find out that you’re pregnant (if this is something that you’ve always wanted) I imagine you would be overwhelmed. When your baby is born, again, a feeling that’s probably indescribable will take over, but, what about all of the time in between? The same applies when we have a great idea. When you discover that passion within you, you may get excited about it. Likewise, when we plant a seed, we do it with an attitude of expectancy. Then, when it’s harvest time, we are elated. When our goals are achieved, we finally begin to believe that things are possible. But often times, the journey between the two, takes so long, that we feel like giving up.

I need to re-emphasize that the period between your fairytale and your reality is the most important period of your life.

A lot of our suffering is connected to the way we respond to things during this period. Whether you are starting a business, have a lot of bills to repay, raising a newborn, starting school, starting a new relationship, a new job, or even writing a book, you are going to have to go through difficult times.

I may not be with you physically to know what you’re going through but God knows. God sees every tear you shed, He hears every cry and knows every bit of pain you feel. No matter how many times we think we should give up, know that God will never give up on us. Never let what others say make you give up on your dreams either. They don’t understand your journey and they never will, because just like a child could never understand what a pregnant adult is going through, neither could these people understand nor appreciate all that you have to endure in order to see your fairytale become reality.

But I promise you, if you stick with it, you will birth a masterpiece. And the world needs to be populated with more masterpieces.


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