Friendship by definition, a mutual affection and relation that commonly brings support, joy, and even the occasional strife.
Friendship – A term we often toss around as loosely as love and life and trust yet wonder why many don’t last forever.
Friendship – A word I have never taken lightly.
Friendship – What today’s blog post is all about.
Let me ask you this question though… but before you answer all that is required is for you to be completely and utterly honest with yourself…
Who’s in your inner circle?
In a time where we have more friends and followers than ever before, it’s a mystery how many of us still feel so lonely. Despite what some may say though (mostly those hurt by persons they once called ‘friend’), we all need to be in relationships that are deeper than the surface.
We don’t need people who just say or click that they ‘like’ us. We need those that selflessly act on it. Whether you call it your ‘crew’, your ‘posse’, or your ‘clique’, no matter how small or big, what we all need is an inner circle.
So again I ask, who’s in YOUR inner circle?
Now, what were the first three names that came to mind?
Are you sure? Or do you need some time to really figure them out?
I’m not talking about the people that once shared the same interests as you; the ones you labeled friend because you all shared the same classes or the ones that look the best in your photos. I’m talking about the ones that came and never left.
It’s fine if they switched up. (Be worried only if the people in your life DON’T change and grow). The ones that encourage you to fulfill your dreams; the ones that you trust with your real dreams; the ones that push you closer to Christ and the ones that make you want to become a better version of yourself. These are the kinds of people you need in your life. These are the kinds of people I give the honor of friend.
Now, for some, today’s post may read a bit off-themed, as this blog often sheds light to topics related to your goals and dreams. But, I’ve been thinking lately, and while observing and soul seeking (as I do as often as one should spring clean), what I’ve come to realize is that the people around us often shape who we are or could be. More than just that, I ask this question and speak on this topic because we all need to learn the value of having right relationships that will lead us closer toward purpose.
As such, I’d like to switch things around today, if only you’d permit me, to find out more about your personal inner circle. I’d like to find out more about the people who are around you that really knows you. No, not the Facebook you or the Instagram version of you. Not the filtered Photoshop you, or the I-have-it-all-together-all-the-time you. I’m talking about that 3am you. The when-you’re-mad you. The-I-Cant-Even-Cry-Myself-To-Sleep-Because-I’m-Too-Stressed-To-Fall-Asleep-You. I’m referring to that person or people who know what you’re struggling with?
Or, who in your life can really sit you down and tell you to shut up when you’re messing up? (Yup friendships aren’t always meant to be pretty). Everyone messes up. But everyone has their own set of blind spots that’s going to require someone else (hopefully unbiased and with reasoning) who can speak into your life and tell you the difficult things that you may not even want but really need to hear too.
The question is, who can you call on even when it’s inconvenient for them (yet they will want you to call anyway)?
I ask these questions to you, only first after asking myself, because I too needed to know. At a time when I was just figuring out who I was, I realized that others played a significant role too.
If we’re being honest here, we’ll admit that people are the reasons behind our smiles and often our worry, and truth be told, these are the people we usually spend more time on than God, purpose or self. So why not figure out who deserve these roles?
Along my journey of re-discovery, I recognized that these were the people that help iron out the fabric that makes me, me (and you, YOU).
Now before you stop reading, I know what some of you may be thinking…
“This isn’t for me. I’ve got lots of friends.”
“I have besties”
“I’ve got my dawgs”
“My husband is my best friend (that’s what I should say right? #RelationshipGoals)”
But hear me out. I’m not talking about people who have the same interests as you. I’m talking about the people that would point you towards the interests of Christ. You see we’d become ‘friends’ with people because we can have a good night out together, or because we like the same celebrities, sports teams or music. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But what about when it comes to our moral compass? Or making the right decisions? Or even when it comes to us deciding whether or not we should stay in a relationship? Are these people genuinely for us? Are they only ride or die because its sounds cool to say? Are they giving advice based on their feelings or their faith?
A lot more questions than you bargained for today? I know.
But if nothing at all, what I’d like for you to glean from today is that the answers to these questions can help you figure out the way you value yourself by the people you choose to value you.
Sadly, as much as we would like others to believe and despite what our social media profiles show, many of us don’t have these kinds of people in our lives, so much so that we never learn how to be this kind of friend to someone else (and the vicious cycle of selfishness and hatred in the world continues).
But in order to become all that is destined for us, we must learn to love ourselves enough to befriend and surround ourselves with the friends that God has destined for us.
Why am I taking friendships so seriously?
It’s simple really.
Some people are only meant for temporary positions in our lives, yet we try to make them permanent and wonder why we can’t move on. Ask God to show you who your real friends are.
Some of us look picture perfect but the truth is the man we love isn’t the man we actually like because we’re in relationships that have no friendship. Ask God to show you if the lover your freewill chose matches the friend God had planned.
Some of us have way more friends than others can imagine, yet feel so lonely. Ask God to show you who are the people with substance.
Many of us stay holding on to the past or old memories because it numbs the pain of the present hurt some people are causing us. Ask God to give you the strength to let them go.
And sometimes the ‘friends’ that are down for you may also be the ones that are down for delaying your purpose too. Ask God to remove those that aren’t meant to walk into your future.
Again why is this ‘friendship thing’ so important?
Because if you really want to grow, be successful, or simply be happy and positive, the people you spend time with truly matter. Additionally, being that person to someone else is important too (if you want it reciprocated).
In other words, if you want to get God’s will done for you life – which includes growing, being happy and successful – you’re going to have to have the right people around you that won’t take you outside of your purpose.
Today I pray that you take a good look at the people in and around you, in your daily activities and even those far away/that you’ve been out of touch with for a while (but consider to be your friend.) Seek God to show you their true colours and if they are worth what you have to do next.
More than just that, it is important for you to pay close attention to the patterns that are repeating in your life. Do you feel as though drama always follow you? Maybe you keep surrounding yourself with the same type of people. So spring clean if you must. Maybe it is time to remove some toxic friendships disguised as lifelong memories from your inner circle and begin a new chapter of walking into your purpose. (It doesn’t matter how long those friendships have been in existence either. ‘Time’ often act as mental abuse too.)
You see I’ve experienced friendships that seemed impossible to let go of but had to end (even after 15 plus years). While, on the other hand I’ve gained new ones that have only been in existence three months but are the real deal. The point is, it doesn’t matter the length of time, people can walk in and out of your life, and things can change. It’s really about finding the people that are meant for YOU. And they’re out there.
The same applies to that toxic relationship, stagnant job or childhood residence you’re still in. Time should not hold you back. Moving on and letting go is also part of your journey.
Now don’t get me wrong, just because you’ve been wounded by those disguised as friends, does not mean that you should stay away from others [Refer to my previous blog post: We all need people] We aren’t meant to live this life alone. Even the bible says,
Ecclesiates 4:9-12 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”
Whether its succeeding in friendships, relationships, with co workers, church family, your neighbours or the people you interact with in your extra curricular groups. No matter what, we’re all meant to form relationships with others. It’s just our job to find the ones that fit our puzzle.
The flip side is, it’s not always easy. In fact, from experience many friendships have caused me much pain. I’ve had friends that betrayed my trust, broke my heart and those that I’ve had to let go of just because they had no intention of growing. Maybe today you’re going to need to do the same. It’s not easy but don’t you think it’s time?
This is for someone today. Whether you have lots of friends or few. Today you may be this close to your breakthrough and the only thing hindering you are those that are too close to you for you to see they aren’t for you.
Today I urge you to figure out your inner circle. Remember that not every smile is genuine and not every memory is meant to hold on to. It is what is is, just a memory. And having memories are a beautiful thing. In fact, one of the greatest gifts in life are friendships and that’s why I pray you find the best ones. The ones that truly deserve you.
Friendship by definition, a mutual affection and relation that commonly brings support, joy, and love.
Friendship – A term we often toss around as loosely as love and life and trust yet wonder why many don’t last forever. But one we can redefine starting now.
Friendship – A word I have never taken lightly or for granted. And so today, to my real friends, you know yourselves…
I LOVE YOU.
And to all reading this, I hope you find your real friends too.