Why so emotional?

My laptop isn’t working! The world cup final is on AND today is also Buju Banton’s birthday (actually, that’s the most important of all three #FreeBuju). Three pretty distracting reasons to prevent me from blogging. However, like everything else, the show must go on!

And so we write…

I had a bad dream last night. A REALLY bad dream. I’m talking about one of those dreams where you wake up feeling every emotion, sometimes even physically pained by what you just experienced. Yes, even though that experience may not have been real and only existed while you were asleep, it still made you feel some type of way.

Has that ever happened to you?

Have you ever experienced emotional or physical pain from a dream?

Psychologists often argue that dreams are connected to both memory and imagination. For example, if you dreamt you fell while running or that you’ve been cut on the leg then chances are you can wake up feeling a sensation in that very spot – based on the memory of a real life experience of falling.

However, if you dreamt that you were flying (even though it’s impossible for you to actually fly nor do you know how to) you can sometimes still feel as though you are. Now, the knowledge of flying comes from your imagination associating images and sensation of how others portray this to feel from things on television, books etc.

Those dreams that are very vivid and appear to be very realistic only feels that way because the mind uses memory to make it so.

However, this morning I woke up feeling a different kind of pain. I felt like I’d been crying in real life and experienced a heartbreaking situation all over again. The pain therefore was not physical but emotional.

Unfortunately, the thing about emotions is, they do not have boundaries. In other words, your emotions can cloud your judgment or view on things even while unconscious. So much so, that even after I woke up, and knew that what I dreamt never happened, it still made me look at some things (and people) differently. It still made me very, very sad.

And so I couldn’t help but wonder, when we’re conscious, what other things are our emotions influencing?

What impact does your emotions have on your many ideas, plans or desires in life? More than just that, how many of your actions and reactions are directly affected by your emotions?

Today’s blog post is entitled: Why so emotional?

Now, before we get any further into it, I’d shamelessly admit that I’ve always been the “follow your heart” not your head type of gal. I’m what you call an extremist actually. Like Anais Nin, I either eat too much or starve myself. Sleep for 14 hours or have insomniac nights. Fall in love very hard or hate passionately. I don’t know what gray is. I never did. And as a creative, I often depend on how I feel rather than strategy to inspire my next move. That’s also why I’m pretty qualified to blog about all the cons which following your clouded emotions can have on your dreams. In other words, I’m the “what-NOT-to-do” type of expert.

I actually have a friend who always told me that I suffer from “emotionality”. Pretty stupid word right? I didn’t even know the term existed until then. But, after dissecting it over time, I came to realize that many of us, many more than we think, fall victim to the same diagnosis.

Now, to my rational thinkers, I must salute you. I’m slowly earning my stripes in your school of thought. But, to the emotional ones – like myself – I would like to say the time has come for us to start looking at things with a new pair of specs. In other words, it’s time to come together and remove the collective cloud that often rains over our decision-making.

Let’s break it down…

I like to dissect my life into eight parts all based on relationships. My relationship with:

  • God
  • Self
  • Family
  • Romantic loved ones
  • Friends
  • Health/Fitness
  • Job/Career
  • Finances

Then one day I realized that the reason I was failing at every one of these sections was because my emotions were clouding my ability to find solutions to make each relationship better. On that day I also realized that I wanted better for myself.

The thing is, I think you do too.

In fact, I believe you’ve been desiring a change for quite some time now. But you just didn’t know how.

For quite some time now, you’ve allowed every emotion in the book to keep you back from succeeding and stretching your deepest potentials. Every day things in life seem to get more complicated and all of the sections I’ve just mentioned seemed to be interconnected and all falling apart.

For quite some time you’ve been ashamed, fearful, heart-broken, hurt, scared, depressed, angry, unforgiving, and prideful based on how each one of these relationships made you feel at one point or the other.

But don’t you also realize  that your emotions can’t actually make anything better?

If we want things to really get better then it is time for us to stop taking things personal when we find ourselves in conflict at the workplace preventing us from finding solutions to the actual task in front of us.

It is time for us to stop holding on to the ‘good ole times’ and the way someone has made us feel – someone who has now changed for the worse, and do ourselves a favor by taking action to exit said relationship.

It is time for us to stop keeping guard at the very walls we built to protect ourselves from hurt by not allowing anyone else in.

It is time to stop acting like we’re the only victims here which does nothing more than delay our healing and solution mission.

Now, don’t get me wrong, none of these things are easy tasks. They can take years to achieve. However, from my experience, the most common reason people quit their jobs is not due to the fact that they were incapable of doing their daily duties but because they ran into problems with other personalities on the job.

Often times the reason why people remain in abusive relationships is because their fear is greater than their belief in their own ability to find a way out.

The reason why many of us don’t allow ourselves to get close to others is because we’ve been hurt before, and clearly still hold on to that hurt.

And more often than not, the reasons why we live our entire lives facilitating someone else’s dream is because we doubt that ours can ever be possible.

I said all of that to say, in any and every case here our emotions always trump our mental capacity.

But, this has got to stop!

We’ve got to stop allowing our emotions to have too much control over our decisions.

As harsh as it may sound, it is time to do less “feeling” and more “doing”.

Today I want to encourage you that no matter what junction you’re currently at in life,  it is necessary to put your feelings to the side and start living life with intention.

What I mean by this is, we need to start filling that emotional gap with actions which help us in solving our dilemmas.

At the beginning of this year my New Year Resolution was to live intentionally. Not to attain one particular thing or the other, but to be intentional with all my actions, and I now believe that my intentional living has hugely contributed to me achieving all the things I have thus far this year.

I’ve had my fair share of shed tears. In fact I’d confess that I still have my moments – where I’m completely and utterly emotionally unstable for a good 15-20mins straight – but I also catch myself and after these tears are shed, I ask myself what am I going to do about my problem at hand? Then I work and work and work until I find a solution.

Today I urge you to do the same. Today the mission is to start living intentionally.

No longer should we sit down as the only guest of our pity parties and cry over the way someone has made us feel. Ok the relationship didn’t work out, how long are you going to wallow? When will enough be enough before you pick yourself up after that disappointment in work or school, rejection at a business plan or failed friendship? So what if the last encounter you had at church didn’t go well, why is that memory stopping you from trying elsewhere? And I get that you don’t like the way you look at the moment, how long are you going to let that be the keep back from doing something to change it?

We’ve all been through the motions, I get it. But no longer is the therapist asking “How does that make you feel?” going to help. Today, we’re asking. “what are you going to do about it?” Today be your own therapist.

It’s a dirty job I know. One which requires you to keep the tears, but render the blood and sweat. In other words, there are so many things for us to accomplish in this life on earth but we’re going to need to start growing some thick skin to achieve them. And we need to start NOW.

What that dream thought me – besides the fact that the circumstance surrounding that experience affected me deeper than I was willing to admit or accept – was that if I put my emotions to the side, I’d be able to find a way out of it. A way to not be affected anymore.

If we all begin to accept that sometimes we are the ones that messed up, then we’ll probably be able to move on from a lot of dysfunctional relationships too. If we wipe the tears away then maybe, just maybe the scars will go away just as quickly. Maybe if we start to be intentional with our actions, then our lifelong plans can begin to be accomplished.

How about we start being intentional together today. Let’s not spend another night weeping over doubt or feeling self-conscious by what others have to say about us. How about we start to put pen to paper, write down all the things that are currently affecting us and then next to it write down as many solutions as we can think about to solving the problem. Emotions are not allowed on this sheet of paper.

If we’re stuck in a stressful job let’s then make a list of all the places we’d actually like to work and things we’re really passionate about doing then all the things required to get there. There’s no space left on this paper to express how your co-workers make you feel. If you think that your friendships are changing then instead of crying over it, how about we write down what these friendships have taught us and then take that step to move on.

A lot of times because we’re ashamed of starting small because of what others will say about us, we never start at all. Today, we’re putting those feelings to the side, and taking that step forward.

This month calls for action. We’ve been through the emotional roller coaster long enough. Together, we’re going to start making moves. (Whether it be money moves, in red bottom shoes or not) today’s blog calls for ACTION!

Enough talking and reading and feeling. Today I want you to know that you’ve cried your last cry already, you’ve had your last nightmare with all eight relationships in real life too. All that has happened, is gone. You cannot change anything about it. Your next move, however, can change your circumstances forever. I know you’ve been through the ringer – especially in recent times. But that is all about to change.

You have the power to make the rest of your life, the best of your life. The time has come to stop allowing how people or situations have made you feel and start working towards solutions. And the best news is, there’s a solution to every single situation you face in this life. You don’t have to do it all. There’s a solution-ist greater than any other, and His name is Jesus Christ. He can turn around all 8 relationships/sections in your life. It doesn’t matter where you think your relationship with Him or the lack thereof is right now. Start by laying down all the emotions you’ve been feeling to Him. Give it to Him and watch Him replace them with answers.

From this moment forward, as you close this blog, make a promise to live intentional, pray intentional and grow intentional.

Dust away that emotional baggage and go be great now.

Read more at: http://www.kaymariefletcherwrites.com

One Comment Add yours

  1. Nat says:

    The whole “How does that make you feel?” question in therapy is kind of the reason why I stopped trying therapy. I mean, yes, it does help to have someone to talk to about what I was going through, but it also felt like a very controlled environment where things were a little too safe and I was staying in the same space of not really moving forward and also not really moving backwards either.

    Like

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